The Manchurian YouTuber

Is MrBeast a Peter Thiel funded psyop?

Sue Parisher begins her book Rock Bottom and Faithless: Defeating the Lies of Domestic Abuse with God’s Truth by sharing this horrific account of intense physical and emotional abuse at the hands of her first husband, Rich, who she calls “Tom.”

One of those children is Jimmy Donaldson, better known as MrBeast. 

Who is MrBeast?

Rolling Stone says he’s the biggest YouTuber in the country. Time calls him the most watched person in the world. A recent lawsuit claims he’s “the first YouTube billionaire” who “performs giving away some corporate money…and his corporate sponsors compensate him with even more corporate money.” 

His main YouTube channel has over 300 million subscribers and averages over 200 million views per upload. The childless millennial might be unfamiliar with his game, but it’s impossible to escape that giant shit eating grin, with an exact tooth to fecal ratio painstakingly calculated to maximize placement in the algorithm. Subscribe for a cookie :) 

Perfecting the infection of loud, fast and deceptively edited brain rot for kids, Jimmy is the doofy everyday bro who creates the most expensive, soul sucking productions on YouTube. 

His hugely popular re-creation of Squid Games that ignores the point and locking 100 people ages 1 to 100 in containers just to see what happens feels like an updated MK-Ultra experiment. The winner of each challenge takes home a smooth half mil for their troubles while Jimmy will take home well over half a billion this year. 

When he’s not torturing people to entertain children, Jimmy likes to be charitable. In one of his most profitable acts of performative philanthropy, he partners with an organization run by his step-father, Tracy Parisher, to produce a video of himself exploiting poor people who can’t afford a cheap ten minute cataract procedure. “1,000 Blind People See For The First Time” is presented like a commercial for Jimmy’s humble benevolence. Even the title is a lie.

His wide ranging influences include such luminaries as rich racist white guy PewDiePie and rich racist white guy Keemstar and rich racist white guy Elon Musk. Jimmy’s MrBeast brand strives to maintain that delicate balance between torture porn and blatant capitalist propaganda. 

“We will win and we are going to build something amazing,” he writes in his How to Succeed in MrBeast Production handbook, “I see a world where this company is worth billions and one day 10s of billions.”

With his popularity beginning to wane behind growing concerns of serious worker violations, accusations of pedophilia, faking videos, sexual harassment, and selling moldy food to kids, it’s time to dogpile this creepy goateed freak and ask the question on everyone’s mind:

Is MrBeast a Peter Thiel funded psyop grooming a generation of YouTube addicts into voting for Jimmy as CEO of America under a corporate controlled techno-monarchy?

It’s just a question. I’m just asking questions. I have lots of questions and maybe there’s lots of answers. Idk fuck it let’s dive down this rabbit hole and see what happens, you know, for funsies.

Is Peter Thiel a Nazi?

The German Empire stretches its pale fingers across Eastern Europe. As the empire grows, its colonists become aggressively nationalistic. They carve ethnic based settlements out of East Prussia on claims of racial superiority over the local Polish, Jewish and Slavic people. 

When the Nazis assume power, the German minority is given full control of East Prussia as they cry about oppression from the native population. The fascist contradiction. From 1933 to 1945, Königsberg is the capital of Nazi Gau East Prussia.

A methed up Adolf Hitler delivers impassioned speeches to over 25,000 of his closest supporters. Nazis dominate the city.

They assassinate communists and confiscate Jewish shops. There are book burnings and antisemitic speeches in the town squares. Jewish professors are fired from universities and the Polish consulate is attacked. 

Concentration camps are built in the city to hold Jewish, Romani, Polish and other people considered Untermenschen or subhumans. The prisoners are worked to death if not outright executed. Others are sent to be killed at Auschwitz and the Maly Trostenets extermination camps.

Amongst Hitler speeches, Nazi rallies and violent pogroms, Willy Artur Thiel marries an extremely pregnant Martha Luise Fohlmeister in Königsberg on April 25 1936.

Five days later she gives birth to Klaus Friedrich Thiel, followed in 1941 by Herbert Willy Thiel.

By the end of WWII, there are almost 70,000 slave laborers in Königsberg, mostly Polish and Soviet war prisoners. As the looming Red Army advances, the Nazi cowards gather any remaining prisoners in the city for a death march to Sambia where anyone who survives is executed. 

The communists continue to gain ground as the Nazi cowards flee from the growing Red Scare.

Described by Hitler as an “invincible bastion of German spirit,” Königsberg is captured by the Soviet Union on April 9 1945.

Shortly after, Hitler does the one good thing.

East Prussian Nazis are forcibly expelled back to Germany.

What is a psyop?

According to a Communications Chief at the United Nations named Sunil Narula, this is a psyop:

For instance, Radio Free Europe is created by the CIA to broadcast capitalist propaganda in the Soviet Union and is cited as playing a significant role in the fall of communism.

American Abstract Expressionism, epitomized by Jackson Pollock and Willem de Kooning, is funded by the CIA through a partnership with the Museum of Modern Art and goes on tour during the Cold War to spread American exceptionalism around the globe.

The CIA’s decades-long program to develop mind control using Nazi scientists and pseudo psychologists who perform extremely unethical human experiments at universities, hospitals and secret prisons in Germany and Japan called Project MK-Ultra is one of the most notorious psyops.

Under the guise of mental health, test subjects are “reprogrammed” through intense physical and mental abuse. A Nazi scientist who begins mind control experiments on prisoners at Dacahu concentration camp before working on MK-Ultra named Kurt Plötner says their aim is to “eliminate the will of the person examined.”

Experiments include putting test subjects into medically induced comas for several months while playing audio loops of short statements over and over again or locking test subjects in prolonged sensory isolation rooms while giving them high doses of LSD.

To retain funding and continue the experiments, they film high ranking government officials sexually assaulting children test subjects to use as blackmail.

To fuel Project MK-Ultra, the CIA purchases the world’s entire supply of LSD and deals it to counter-culture icons like Timothy Leary, Allen Ginsberg, and the Grateful Dead. This CIA backed movement inspires a generation of radicals to “turn on, tune in, drop out.”

They succeed beyond their wildest dreams and almost completely wipe out the anti-war left while zapping them into mushy brained boomers who destroy the economy in exchange for corporate profits almost as big as their egos. For the first time in US history, these neoliberaled zombies create a living standard that is worse for their children.

Why did Peter’s family move to Germany?

Peter Andreas Thiel is born to Susanne and Klaus Thiel on October 11 1967 in Frankfurt am Main, West Germany.

The following year, they immigrate to Cleveland, Ohio where Klaus works as a chemical engineer setting rivers on fire for Arthur G. McKee & Co.

Described by his co-workers as “The Gestapo,” Klaus works his way up to project manager, specializing in open pit mines.

In the early 1970s, the Thiels move to the site of Germany’s first genocide of the 20th century, South West Africa (now Namibia). Under military occupation by apartheid South Africa, Klaus works for a mining company infamous for collaborating with Nazi Germany and causing civil war in Papua New Guinea called Rio Tinto. 

Peter attends a whites only religious school in Johannesburg called Pridwin Prep while Klaus builds a uranium mine for South Africa’s secret nuclear weapons program called Rössing Mine. 

Afraid the Soviet Union might do to them what they did to the Nazis, the Rössing Mine is crucial to defending apartheid South Africa’s white supremacy and in violation of international law.

The Thiels move to Foster City, California in the early 80s. Young Peter is a chess prodigy who memorizes The Lord of the Rings and childhood friends are scared to talk about him.

Meanwhile, Peter’s uncle Herbert founds an organization in Nuremberg, Germany called Historischer Verein Wolhynien (Historical Association of Volhynia) to maintain the archives of Volhynia Germans who were forcibly expelled from the Soviet Union after WWII for being Nazis.

Herbert lives in Kentucky before dying in 1996.

What did Jimmy’s parents do in the military?

Charles Richard Donaldson is the German born son of an abusive prison guard and Susan Marie King is the daughter of an international arms dealer for Raytheon.

On December 18 1987, Charles and Sue are married in Olympia, Washington.

Fresh out of boot camp, the stocky soldier and fiery red head are stationed at Fort Bragg, North Carolina, a breeding ground for psychological warfare and extreme racism.

Charles or maybe its Rich has a service career shrouded in mystery while Sue is an obedient soldier in the military police. Her unit, the 16th Military Police Brigade, provides law enforcement on base and is often sent elsewhere during emergencies.

After the devastation of Hurricane Andrew, Sue is deployed in southern Florida with a psyop unit during Operation Andrew.

Their presence causes concern among the local population. “I don’t know about you,” a letter to NPR reads, “but I think it’s very scary the Army’s Psychological Operations, or PsyOps unit, has taken charge of disaster communications in Dade County, Florida. What business does a military propaganda, disinformation and psychological warfare unit have taking charge of public communications during a time of natural disaster at home?”

The hurricane kills dozens and the response is widely considered a failure that causes serious damage to President George HW Bush’s reelection campaign.

Sue writes a glowing article for the December 1992 issue of Military Police magazine titled Operation Andrew.

“Soldiers who participated in Operation Andrew,” she blusters, “were humbly proud to be a part of the great human interest story that was ‘written’ in south Florida.”

Two years later, her brigade is deployed in Haiti with a psyop unit during a military coup that successfully reinstalls US backed president Jean Bertrand Aristide called Operation Uphold Democracy.

Is Peter a right wing propagandist?

“Most people perceive chess as a dull game, but that’s probably because they haven’t played much,” Peter explains. “Actually, the numerous geometric and psychological motifs in chess make it more than just an ordinary boardgame.”

When a new Western culture program about rich white guys that also includes women and minorities called Culture, Ideas and Values or CIV is proposed at Stanford University, the reactionary republicans lose their damn minds.

On January 15 1987, soon to be candidate for President of the US Jesse Jackson gives a speech at Stanford to discuss the rising tide of racism across the nation and celebrate the birth of his mentor, Martin Luther King Jr. The event is sponsored by the Stanford Black Student Union (BSU) and other organizations.

“We need more than a day of celebration,” he tells the crowd of over 1700 attendees. “We need a new president, a new vision…We are in the twilight of 1984 and the dawn of 1988.”

After his speech, Jackson leads a march of around 500 people to the Law School lawn where he signs a petition endorsing the new Western culture program that also includes women and minorities. During the march, students enthusiastically chant “Hey, hey, ho, ho, Western culture has got to go.”

In response, Jackson stops and says, “The issue is not that we don’t want Western culture. We’re from the West,” adding that other cultures should be studied as well. “We are people of the world,” he rallies, “Multicultural education is good for everybody…There’s more culture than Western culture.”

Later that afternoon, the Faculty Senate approves CIV which also includes women and minorities in Stanford’s Western culture program by a 39-4 vote.

Peter is so deeply triggered by these imagined attacks on being a rich white guy that he founds a right wing tabloid for spreading hyper conservative and libertarian ideology called The Stanford Review in June 1987 with his high school pal Norman Book.

“We would like to present alternative views on a wide range of current issues in the Stanford community,” Peter writes in the first Review. “On many of these issues, a vocal few have succeeded in dominating the discussion, often with views very different from those of the Stanford mainstream.”

“Name-calling (“that’s racist,” “he’s a communist”, “you’re a fascist,” etc.) is the norm, even though it rarely leads anywhere. In the Stanford Review, we will confine ourselves to rational argumentation.”

The Review becomes infamous for its constant name-calling and completely irrational arguments.

What did Jimmy’s mom do at Fort Bragg?

Sue works her way up through the ranks of the military police. As a law enforcement officer, she is witness to the extreme racism prevalent at Fort Bragg.

Gangs of neo-nazi soldiers roam the surrounding communities committing violent assaults and on the main road to the base there is a giant billboard advertising for a white supremacy group called the National Alliance that reads “Enough! Let’s Start Taking Back America!”

In 1995, Private James Norman Burmeister II receives a broken nose after making “racially offensive remarks” to a black soldier. The military police inspect his room and find Nazi flags and other regalia.

A few months later, completely undeterred, Burmeister and his gang of Fort Bragg skinheads go joyriding in nearby Fayetteville to “mess with blacks.” Burmeister is overheard saying he hopes to “earn his spider web tattoo,” a symbol used by their little gang to show they killed a minority. Around 12:30am, the soldiers see a random black couple walking down the street.

After harassing Michael James and Jackie Burden, Burmeister pulls out a semiautomatic handgun and shoots James twice in the head before chasing down Burden, shooting her once in the back and twice in the head. 

When the police go to the trailer park and search his trailer home, they find copies of The Resister, Timothy McVeigh’s favorite Fort Bragg newsletters published by a group of neo-nazi Green Berets calling themselves the “Special Forces Underground.”

In response, Fort Bragg conducts an investigation into themselves and finds nothing wrong. The North Carolina NAACP questions those findings, stating, “the potential for (if not the reality of) organized racist or skinhead activities clearly exists” at Fort Bragg.

Is the West worth defending?

“I want to thank the Stanford Review,” Ronald Reagan’s Secretary of Education, William J. Bennett, says to begin his speech to around 500 people at Stanford before diving right into a fantasy about their decision to also include women and minorities not being a “product of enlightened debate, but rather an unfortunate capitulation to a campaign of pressure politics and intimidation.”

“Last year at Stanford, the Rev. King’s birthday was marked by Jesse Jackson leading a group of students in the now famous cry: ‘Hey, hey, ho, ho, Western culture’s got to go.’

“Just a week earlier, I had been at the King Center in Atlanta talking about the Rev. King’s self-proclaimed debt to Western thought. Either the Rev. King was right, or the Rev. Jackson is right. I’ll stand with King.”

Bill cites 4 reasons to study Western civilization.

First, because it is his culture.

Second, because it is a good culture.

Third, because it is a smart culture.

And lastly, “because the West is under attack.”

On March 15 1988, a Stanford freshman named Kenny Ehrman gets drunk and has yet another violent and homophobic outburst in his dormitory at Otero House. During his temper tantrum, Kenny calls Otero Resident Fellow Dennis Matthies a “fucking wimp” and Resident Assistant Jeff Sloan, who is openly gay, a “faggot.”

On May 24, Otero House has a meeting where Kenny is evicted after “numerous belligerent and homophobic actions since last fall” according to The Stanford Daily.

Spending the entire day reading about their pal Kenny’s eviction and making themselves angry over a situation they are not involved in nor even fully understand, some frat bros from Phi Delta Theta named Scott Lindus, David Look, John Naporano, John Romero, David Filgas, Tim Walters and Kirk Ferguson decide to have a vigil in defense of Kenny’s first amendment right to hurl homophobic slurs.

They call the student newspaper like it’s the paparazzi and shortly before midnight the frat bros, scared to be recognized even though they will pretend what they are about to do is completely harmless, put on hockey masks, motorcycle helmets and goggles then go to grab some torches but can only find candles and then head over to Otero House.

Arriving as the stress from the intense emotional eviction meeting has finally eased, the masked men form a semicircle in front of the glass entrance of the dorm. “Oh, my god” one Otero resident cries. “What’s going on?” another says as they notice the masked men standing motionless right outside their front door, holding up candles in the middle of the night.

Easily mistaking the masked men appearing in the middle of the night with fire as the Klu Klux Klan, residents quickly call the police but they do nothing.

A neighbor calls the BSU and 20 to 30 mostly Black students arrive on the scene, eventually growing to a crowd of 50 or 60. Several students confront the scared frat bros and ask what their purpose is but the first amendment crusaders refuse to speak.

“Let’s take off their masks,” one student yells. “No!” another responds, “if they don’t have the guts to take them off themselves, let’s not give them the guts.” After an hour or so, their candles burn out and several of the masked frat bros jump up to flee from the scene, attempting to hide and not be followed.

The frat bros suffer no official consequences as no one wants to say they violated any rules. Judicial Affairs Officer Sally Cole writes, “If there are strong arguments both for and against the option of charging the students with Fundamental Standard violations, then we have, I believe, a circumstance that is best handled outside of the judicial arena.”

In one of the two editions from this time available online, the December 1988 issue of The Stanford Review includes an article by Peter titled Is The West Worth Defending?

“The capitalist democracies of the West have proven uniquely successful,” Peter explains as he inherently benefits from such a system. “And much of the success of the West derives from a set of guiding ideals and institutions: a free market economy, a limited government that protects individuals’ rights to life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness, and a culture driven by the goal of liberty and justice for all.”

Never neglecting his need to project his violent fantasies and take them out on a reliable scapegoat, Peter adds, “While the ideals and institutions of the Western democracies work well, we must also recognize the fact that they exist in the context of a hostile world. A world filled with totalitarians, Marxists, fascists, and others, and a world in which ideals and institutions of the West require a committed and active defense.”

“The West certainly deserves such a defense, and the answer to the above question must be a clear and unequivocal ‘yes.’”

Is Jimmy’s mom a military propagandist?

On July 27 1996 at 12:58 am, a man calls the Atlanta Police Department and says, “There is a bomb in Centennial Park. You have 30 minutes.” Shortly after, a Centennial Park security guard named Richard Jewell notices a suspicious backpack underneath a bench and starts to evacuate the late night Jack Mack and the Heart Attack concert.

At 1:20 am, before everyone can escape, three pipe bombs explode from the suspicious backpack, killing 2 people and injuring 111 others. Jewell’s quick response saves dozens of lives.

For a moment, Jewell is the hero of the 1996 Summer Olympics in Atlanta, but the FBI leaks to a local newspaper that he is a suspect with claims he planted the bomb to make himself the hero. A feeding frenzy ensues.

The FBI contacts Jewell and lies to him in an effort to gather evidence. They pretend to be filming interviews for a training video about first responders and wonder if he would like to contribute. Having already been interrogated, the wannabe cop agrees to record the training video. Luckily, one of his four lawyers, G. Warren Bryant, is able to get Jewell on the phone and tell him to get out of there.

“In my 20 years of practicing law, this is one of the most outrageous examples of a duplicitous interviewing technique I’ve ever seen,” says Jack Martin, a different lawyer for Jewell. “It’s indefensible and a clear violation of his constitutional rights.”

Jewell is cleared of all suspicions after the FBI does some actual investigative work, eventually identifying right wing terrorist Eric Robert Rudolph, a suspect in the bombing of an Atlanta abortion clinic and a gay nightclub.

Sue writes a glowing article in the Winter 1996 issue of Military Police magazine titled Military Police Support—The 1996 Centennial Olympics.

In celebration of their successful mission where only 2 people die and 111 people are injured, the military police units square off in a head to head competition called the Pigbowl. 

“However,” Sue submits, “in all actuality, both units are ‘winners.’ The true spirit of the Military Police Corps was demonstrated by the fine soldiers of both units. They are living examples of why the Military Police Corps has been identified as the ‘Force of Choice.’”

In 2003, after 5 years on the FBI’s most wanted, right wing terrorist Eric Robert Rudolph is arrested by accident at 4 am behind a Save-A-Lot in Murphy, North Carolina.

Is Peter’s mentor a right wing propagandist?

“The Bible is always telling you that the victim was persecuted unjustly, that Joseph, that the servant of Yahweh, that Jesus were all persecuted unjustly.”

The backwards ideology of Peter’s mentor and religious nut, René Girard, is based on his theory of mimetic desire which balances on a kernel of truth anyone with an ounce of awareness realizes as a toddler, humans like to imitate each other. In the mind of a normal person, this communal sharing helps create community and culture and society as a whole.

But the entire identity of these flagrant frauds rests upon a structure built out of violence to maintain the facade of their precarious privilege which allows them and only them the right to imitate without reciprocation. The insecurities created by the fight to hide this elaborate grift causes a deeply held fear of being discovered as an imposter. The unacknowledged imposter syndrome then rolls around their vacuous minds all day manufacturing anger and resentment at imagined rivalries. Revenge fantasies of a self-absorbed delusionist to sublimate the shit that fills their heads from being so firmly up their own ass.

In his 1972 book, Violence and the Sacred, René explains the fear of his own revenge fantasies. “There is the risk that the act of vengeance will initiate a chain reaction whose consequences will quickly prove fatal to any society of modest size. The multiplication of reprisals instantaneously puts the very existence of a society in jeopardy and that is why it is universally proscribed.”

By allowing social struggles like the Civil Rights movement or feminism to succeed, René thinks we are setting in motion a series of repercussive revenge plots ending in the destruction of Western culture. Oops.

In his fantasy, social harmony is not achieved through equality, it requires a sacrifice. Someone, be it a minority or some other minority, must be the chosen victim or scapegoat to maintain their manufactured natural order of things. An order of things so natural is must be enforced through violence. And if it is not violently enforced, he claims violence will happen.

“If a composite image were drawn,” René blabbers, “the mythical hero would remind us of the village outcast, the abnormal individual who finds himself the butt of collective persecution in a backward community.” Incels.

At a Stanford symposium in September 1987, a professor responsible for teaching a class that reads books also by women and minorities which Peter later describes as “little more than a collection of left-wing writers, whose only unifying thread lies in their passionate hatred for the West,” named Renato Rosaldo attempts to describe reality to René. Human nature, he explains, is “neither all bad nor all good. In the abstract, the all-bad camp usually wins because it sounds more profound.” But in reality this reactionary nonsense “gets people lined up, contained, suppressed, repressed.”

René and his many Silicon Valley followers refuse to admit that oppressed minorities seeking equality are not the actual cause of social decay. The cause of social decay is their violent enforcement of an order of things that is anything but natural. To acknowledge this is to destroy Western culture. Oops.

Was Jimmy MK-Ultra’d?

James Stephen Donaldson is born to Sue and Rich Donaldson on May 7 1998 in Wichita, Kansas.

Now a commander in the military police, Sue moves her family to Mannheim, Germany for several years while she serves as prison warden of the largest US Army black site in Europe called Coleman Barracks.

The base utilizes prison labor to support the military facility and has several behavioral science specialists on staff. “Jimmy thinks it’s pretty badass that his mom ran a prison,” she tells Rolling Stone.

Jimmy’s father, Rich, is well respected in his secret military career but at home he is physically and mentally abusive.

After 21 years, Sue divorces Rich and retires from the military in 2007. She takes her children to Greenville, North Carolina where Jimmy attends the small Greenville Christian Academy.

Extremely introverted and prone to shitting his pants, Jimmy makes few friends at the strict religious school where the students are forced to copy Bible verses. “You have it beat into your head every day,” he tells Rolling Stone.

Jimmy claims to have no memories before age 11, when he starts regularly uploading videos to YouTube playing first person shooters like Call of Duty and Counter Strike.

He slowly grows into his MrBeast persona by posting videos imitating his hero, PewDiePie, with a mix of edgy skits about saying the “n” word and rants on women being useless.

Eventually his channel expands into desperate pleas for attention like counting to 100,000 or cutting a table in half with a plastic knife. Jimmy quickly gains a following with young boys and view bots.

Is Keith Rabois ignorant?

In a May 30 1989 letter to The Stanford Daily called Being a Republican is difficult, too, the President of Stanford College Republicans and a writer for The Stanford Review named Keith Rabois pleads, “We are not ignorant, callous or insensitive. What we are is sick and tired of being abused, intimidated or just plain ignored.”

Keith, a gay man who will post his resignation letter from COO at Square Inc on Tumblr in 2013 after allegations he sexual harassed a male employee, complains about Stanford’s gay community “taking advantage of the publicity surrounding ‘homophobic’ incidents.” He claims they create “an atmosphere where the University must make concessions. Res. Ed. for example, gives special preference to gay resident assistant applicants.”

He cries about “how difficult it is to be a conservative” at Stanford without offering a single example. “Quite simply,” he mumbles as his lip quivers and a single tear rolls down his innocent cheek, “‘we can’t go most places and be comfortable.’ There is a liberal fascism that pervades our community that directs that any views that challenge leftist assumptions must be silenced.”

“It’s too bad that we go to a University where coercion and yelling are more effective than rational argument.”

On the night of January 19 1992, Keith and his pals Michael Ehrman (younger brother of Kenny Ehrman) and Bret Scher get drunk and walk through Otero House on their way to a party.

As they pass the cottage of Otero Resident Fellow Dennis Matthies, Keith attempts to impress a nearby group of freshmen by screaming “Faggot! Faggot!, Hope you die of AIDS! Can’t wait ’til you die, faggot! You’re going to get what’s coming to you. Damn faggot!” He taunts, “Go ahead—try to kick me out of housing!”

Keith admits that most of his comments were about Matthies, the same person Kenny called a “fucking wimp” years prior, but adds “they were mostly about faggots being bad in general.”

A student named Jake Veylupek writes in a letter to The Stanford Daily, “Bigots like [Keith Rabois] obviously haven’t been made to understand that the various deviants who they so blindly group together under the blanket term ‘faggots’ really form a diverse community, each segment with its own sins and perversions.”

“The faggot writing this letter, for example, is guilty of trying to sway people with this tormented view that gays are just people, and like everybody else deserve some basic human respect.”

Keith suffers no official consequences for yelling homophobic slurs into the night because being a hateful nerd desperately seeking attention while battling your own sexuality does not violate Stanford’s Fundamental Standard.

Flyers appear in the Law School depicting Keith with his face crossed out and the words “Homophobia is Ugly.” His fellow law students call him an embarrassment and his own frat disavows him.

Matthies writes a letter to The Stanford Daily discussing the turmoil he felt after taking over a course early that semester for a teacher who had just passed away from AIDS.

“Arthur Hall has died. And I have a young Republican who has located the frontier of free speech somewhere around my doorstep. Courageously, he is building a stronger democracy by chanting ‘Faggot! Hope you die of AIDS! Can’t wait ‘till you die, faggot!’”

Keith writes his own letter to whine about the immense oppression he suffers from not being allowed to spew hateful slurs whenever he wants to impress some freshmen. He came to Stanford to get “an education, and to enjoy four years of California. Being harassed for your views doesn’t contribute to either objective.”

He hand waves away his homophobic slurs with the excuse it “was to expose these freshman ears to very offensive speech. Admittedly, the comments made were not very articulate, not very intellectual, nor profound. The intention was for speech to be outrageous enough to provoke a thought of ‘Wow, if he can say that, I guess I can say a little more than I thought.’”

“My views about homosexuality are now widely assumed to be those reported in The Daily. Actually, I truly don’t care nor think too much about the issue. I don’t necessarily hate homosexuals, but do believe in Jack Kemp’s suggestion that they may not be the best teachers of young children in public schools and recognize that the spread of AIDS has a direct casual link back to their activity.”

“It has certainly not been fun. But if my serving as the personification of ‘evil’ allows the rest of campus to reassure itself that it is ‘good,’ so be it. Others know better.”

In 1995, out of college and desperate for money and fame, Peter and fellow Review writer David Sacks take inspiration from Keith’s bravery in bigotry and write a libertarian think tank and Dinesh D’Souza funded book titled The Diversity Myth to congratulate themselves for being so great and so right during their many temper tantrums at Stanford.

Between melting like snowflakes at the thought of sharing space with gay people and justifying their attacks on minorities, The Diversity Myth makes plenty of room for Peter and David to express their belief that rape is actually just a woman who regrets consensual sex.

The book is widely celebrated by anti-woke weirdos as an early prelude to the endless culture wars. Peter continues to moan about it to this day.

Does Peter believe in democracy?

Building off his minuscule fame from writing The Diversity Myth, Peter attempts to start a Crossfire-esque TV show with his friend Reid Hoffman in 1996. It runs briefly on San Francisco public access and is not well received.

He also appears on C-SPAN, but his general lack of charisma and idiotic takes gain him little acclaim as his right wing punditry becomes yet another failed career attempt in a streak of post-collegiate failed career attempts that include lawyer, finance bro and speech writer for William Bennett.

During the Dot Com Bubble, Peter meets Max Levchin whose ideas they use to co-found Confinity with the goal of creating “a new world currency, free from all government control and dilution — the end of monetary sovereignty, as it were.”

In 2000, they merge with Elon Musk’s X.com and become X-PayPal.

With Elon as CEO, the board members quickly realize they have made a huge mistake. While he is on his first of many honeymoons, Peter and Max stage a coup and Peter becomes CEO. “Sneaky backstabbing bastards,” Elon recalls, “too scared to stab me in the front.”

In 2002, they get lucky and sell off PayPal to eBay for $1.5 billion, making these entitled dorks, dubbed “The PayPal Mafia,” instant multi-millionaires.

Using his PayPal money, Peter co-founds Palantir Technologies, named after the “far watching” crystal balls in his favorite book, The Lord of the Rings.

Specializing in data collection, mass surveillance and counter-terrorism, their only customer for their first 3 years is the CIA. They work closely with the FBI, the Department of Defense and several other government agencies.

Flush with money and eager to influence society, Peter agrees to fund the creation of a NASCAR magazine run by a libertarian analyst for the Cato Institute and writer at The Stanford Review, Lucas Mast, under the condition it be used as a cover to push their ideology onto unwitting redneck conservatives.

In March 2004, American Thunder hits newsstands in 1,800 Walmarts and features articles on whether the Army should spend tax money to sponsor race cars, how ESPN has been “emasculated” by “namby-pamby political correctness,” and an “anthropological discussion” on women’s work.

“Everyday cooking is a chore few men ever get around to,” the article opines. “We’re grateful this is how things have worked out. So grateful, we’ll even help with the dishes from time to time.”

By August, they are selling less than 12% of the printed issues and are unable to attract advertisers. Peter, who “probably would not know Richard Petty if he ran over him,” is handed another failure and a loss of his $10 million investment.

Shortly after, Mark Zuckerberg builds a website to rate women on his college campus that eventually becomes Facebook. Rebounding from his recent defeats, Peter becomes an early investor and sits on the board of directors.

No matter how much wealth he accumulates, the attacks on the financial district by brown men that killed 2,977 people including some rich white guys like him on September 11 2001 scares the shit out of Peter. In 2007, he writes The Straussian Moment, a long winded garbled manifesto on how his brand of violent theocratic techno-monarchism will save us.

“The awareness of the West’s vulnerability called for a new compromise, and this new compromise inexorably demanded more security at the expense of less freedom.”

A convenient compromise for the owner of Palantir.

To bolster his claims, he dedicates an entire section to praising a prominent Nazi or as Peter calls him a “German legal scholar” named Carl Schmitt. “He concedes,” Peter fawns, “that there will never be any agreement on the most important things, on questions of religion and virtue and the nature of humanity…it is equally a part of the human condition to be divided by such questions and to be forced to take sides.”

He fantasizes that “absent an invasion by aliens from outer space, there can never be a world state that politically unites all of humanity. It is a logical impossibility.”

Another German thinker both Peter and Schmitt are big fans of named Leo Strauss gets a section and a shout out in the title.

“As a thought experiment,” Peter pontificates, “Strauss invites us to consider the position of a ‘historian living in a totalitarian country.’” Through their research, this “generally respected and unsuspected member of the only party in existence” realizes that perhaps the government is lying about the history of religion.

To express these hidden truths, the historian might slyly write tidbits that “would be enough for the attentive reader, but not enough for the invariably less intelligent government censors.” The truth is only revealed to those with eyes to see.

Peter surely imagines himself as this historian and his nonsensical Straussian Moment bursting with the sociopathic urge to oppress is simply too “esoteric” for most to get. The real message is hidden to mere peasants. He imagines himself outsmarting everyone while bragging about it to their faces. A smirk in essay form. There is no point without validation like an old serial killer pining to be found so they can finally take credit. The right people will get it and heap praise on his intelligence and greatness. We all love you Peter. But alas, you have no clothes.

“Instead of the United Nations, filled with interminable and inconclusive parliamentary debates that resemble Shakespearean tales told by idiots, we should consider Echelon, the secret coordination of the world’s intelligence services, as the decisive path to a truly global pax Americana,” writes the owner of Palantir.

On his mentor, René Girard, Peter explains their shared revenge fantasy.

“The war of all against all culminates not in a social contract but in a war of all against one, as the same mimetic forces gradually drive the combatants to gang up on one particular person. The war continues to escalate and there is no rational stopping point, at least not until this person becomes the scapegoat whose death helps to unite the community and bring about a limited peace for the survivors.”

The hysteria of a paranoid self-absorbed delusionist. A true Girardian dipshit. But no worries, Peter ends his violent theocratic techno-monarchist manifesto with the calming reassurance that "One must never forget that one day all will be revealed, that all injustices will be exposed, and that those who perpetrated them will be held to account.”

“And so, in determining the correct mixture of violence and peace, the Christian statesman or stateswoman would be wise, in every close case, to side with peace.” A peace created through scapegoating minorities.

He concludes, “[the postmodern] world could differ from the modern world in a way that is much worse or much better—the limitless violence of runaway mimesis or the peace of the kingdom of God.”

In his 2009 essay The Education of a Libertarian, Peter writes “I no longer believe that freedom and democracy are compatible.”

“The vast increase in welfare beneficiaries and the extension of the [right to vote] to women,” Peter patronizes, “have rendered the notion of ‘capitalist democracy’ into an oxymoron.”

He believes “by starting a new Internet business, an entrepreneur may create a new world. The hope of the Internet is that these new worlds will impact and force change on the existing social and political order.”

Peter ends his second and much less wordy violent theocratic techno-monarchist manifesto with this self-fulfilling prophecy, “The fate of the world may depend on the effort of a single person who builds or propagates the machinery of freedom that makes the world safe for capitalism.”

The following year, with his 2 degrees from Stanford in hand, Peter starts the Thiel Fellowship, a foundation that offers college students $100,000 to drop out of school and pursue a tech startup.

Did Jimmy’s gambling problem get him into trouble?

In 2017, MrBeast hits one million subscribers and Jimmy gets his first brand deal from an NFT company called Quidd. 

He records himself giving the $10,000 to a homeless man and the video goes viral. As money and views stack up, Jimmy discovers his true calling: exploitation.

MrBeast pumps out stunt philanthropy videos like offering students $100,000 to drop out of school or bribing his audience by giving 3 million pennies to his 3 millionth subscriber. 

But the real money comes from annoying, dystopian brain rot like buying a car with all pennies or putting millions of pennies in his friend’s backyard.

His shameless embrace of slimy niceness and idiotic douchebaggery solidifies his status as the king of iPad kids demanding a constant stream of slop to occupy every waking moment so their parents can focus on struggling to pay their algorithmically raised rent.

Meanwhile, Jimmy develops a serious gambling addiction. His YouTube videos for children start to focus more on spending up to a million dollars on scratch offs and lottery tickets.

He pushes crypto pump and dumps while losing huge sums of money gambling on crypto websites.

In a 2017 reddit thread on r/ethtrader he comments, “Guys, don’t gamble, the pain isn’t worth it. I’ve lost tens of thousands of dollars gambling cryptos and I regret it…Started as little money just for fun and very fast spiraled out of control.”

But the 19 year old millionaire can’t stop. Eventually he is has no choice but to turn to his good pal and proud right wing grifter Keemstar to borrow bitcoin so he can pay off his gambling debts.

With unquenchable greed, Jimmy buys a warehouse to destroy the environment mining crypto.

In a 2017 reddit thread on r/investing he comments, “I run a crypto currency mining company and I’ve already made 6 figures off these coins. I don’t know what you mean by ‘seems all you want to do is get rich quick’ I genuinely love crypto currencies. I think they will change the world over the next decade.” It doesn’t.

Instead, crypto leads to one of the newest ways rich people can streamline our extinction for quarterly gains.

In a single year, the energy wasted to mine Bitcoin, the most popular of over 13,000 different crypto currencies, burns the equivalent of 84 billion pounds of coal. To offset this totally unnecessary carbon footprint, 3.9 billion trees need to be planted, or about 7% of the Amazon rainforest, every year, for just this one crypto currency.

Is Jimmy laundering money?

In 2019, MrBeast hits 20 million subscribers and Jimmy asks his followers how they would prefer he take their money. The most popular answer is to plant 20 million trees, or about 0.005% of the trees needed to offset one year of mining Bitcoin. He partners with his pal, Mark Rober, and they found TeamTrees.

Mark and Jimmy announce the project by uploading a video called Using Drones to Plant 20,000,000 Trees promoting a Peter Thiel, Tobi Lütke, and Marc Benioff funded tech startup called DroneSeed. 

MrBeast’s TeamTrees video called Planting 20,000,000 Trees, My Biggest Project Ever! goes viral and a few days later Elon Musk tweets, “Ok, sounds legit, will donate 1M trees” at a dollar a tree.

Investors Tobi Lütke and Marc Benioff also give around a million dollars each, rounding out the top three donations.

DroneSeed’s tree planting drones are just tech bro hype used to funnel money back to their investors so Jimmy and Mark work with the Arbor Day Foundation, who distances themselves after reports that the trees are quickly dying from lack of ongoing care. 

Two years later, following the success of TeamTrees, Jimmy and Mark found TeamSeas with the stated goal of cleaning 30 million pounds of plastic out of the ocean, or about 0.001% of the trash discarded into the ocean every year.

Mark and Jimmy announce the project by uploading a video called This Robot Eats Trash promoting a Peter Thiel, Marc Benioff and Coca-Cola funded tech startup called The Ocean Cleanup. 

MrBeast’s TeamSeas video called I Cleaned The World’s Dirtiest Beach #TeamSeas does not go viral and they struggle to make their end goal. But at the last minute, a Thiel Fellow and billionaire descendant of Nazi concentration camp owners named Austin Russell steps up and donates $4 million. 

The Ocean Cleanup’s trash collecting robots are just tech bro hype used to funnel money back to their investors so Jimmy and Mark work with Ocean Conservancy, an advocate for burning plastic waste.

Is Mark Rober a Fed?

Nauvoo, Hebrew for “to be beautiful,” is a faith based community in western Illinois.

Considered the “The Cornerstone of Zion” by the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints, Nauvoo is founded by Joseph Smith and his followers after they lose the 1838 Mormon War and are ran out of Missouri. 

In 1844, upset with their founder’s adherence to polygamy, members of the cult break away and form a rival, anti-polygamist sect.

They publish a newspaper called the Nauvoo Expositor, but after one issue, Joseph orders their printing press destroyed.

The property damage leads to a public outcry and Joseph is arrested for treason. Angered by his constant entitlement and incessant harassment, 200 armed men attack the jail holding Joseph.

He tries to escape by jumping from a second story window but is shot before falling to the ground, where he dies while being shot several more times. 

After they lose the 1845 Mormon War in Illinois, the cult is once again ran out of the state. They roam around killing anyone not white until invading territory occupied by indigenous tribes in Utah.

To build their city on the Great Salt Lake, the Mormons kidnap local indigenous children and force them into slavery, often trading them as gifts.

Attempting to gain wider acceptance, Mormons send missionaries around the world to spread their cult’s white supremacy and make money selling the Book of Mormon.

They build a Missionary Training Center to teach different languages and salesmanship techniques for converting non-believers. The center recommends tricks like going to third world countries and starting a group that is secretly Mormon then forcing confused members to get baptized.

Indoctrinated from birth, missionary work is a central part of the Mormon ideology.

In the early days of the FBI, J. Edgar Hoover takes a liking to Mormons and exempts returning missionaries from requiring a college degree to join. Viewed as clean cut and ready to serve, the intelligence community heavily recruits from places like Brigham Young University, which leads to an overwhelming Mormon presence in the agencies.

Mark Braxton Rober is born to Caroline Melissa Braxton and Larry Lee Rober on March 11 1980 in Brea, California. He is raised devoutly Mormon.

As a church elder, Larry works for the Unocal oil company and enjoys donating to anti-gay activist groups and dressing up like an 1800s Mormon in Nauvoo.

After he graduates from BYU in 2004, Mark is immediately hired at NASA’s Jet Propulsion Laboratory where he works on the Mars Curiosity Rover.

He also creates a wiki to collect all the knowledge and data used at NASA. 

In October of 2011, while working for Apple designing virtual reality systems for self-driving cars, Mark uploads his first video to YouTube called iPad2 Halloween Costume- Gaping hole in torso and instantly goes viral. 

He continues to gain popularity by posting videos of kid friendly experiments like partnering with a Peter Thiel funded arms manufacturer called Anduril to test out killer drones or building a contraption to trick desperately poor and mentally distraught people into committing petty crimes and then punishing them.

Eventually Mark lands a Jimmy Kimmel produced TV show on the Discovery Channel called Revengineers, where he repeats that same premise over and over to violently reinforce the status quo. It has a 59% audience rating on Rotten Tomatoes.

Is Peter a dipshit?

In 2011, the CEO of security technology firm HBGary Federal named Aaron Barr is embarrassingly hacked.

The data harvest reveals that in 2010 the conglomerate of mass data harvesting firms Palantir, HBGary Federal and Berico Technologies create a proposal under the name “Team Themis” for the US Chamber of Commerce looking to prove the workers protesting them are being “astroturfed” by unions.

The mass surveillance super group plans to disrupt the worker unions by creating false documents, planting insiders to generate internal conflict, and manufacturing satirical works about union leadership.

The cartel is then hired by Bank of America at the recommendation of the US Justice Department to deal with the “WikiLeaks Threat.”

The mass information scraping firms come up with proactive tactics to disrupt WikiLeaks.

“Feed the fuel between feuding groups. Disinformation. Create messages around actions to sabotage or discredit the opposing organization. Submit fake documents and then calling out the error.”

They single out reporter Glenn Greenwald for his support of WikiLeaks and make him choose between career or cause.

Glenn still has a career on Peter Thiel’s Rumble.

Palantir co-founder and CEO Alex Karp releases a statement denying any involvement while apologizing to Glenn for their involvement. They cut all ties with HBGary.

In 2012, Peter secretly bankrolls Hulk Hogan’s lawsuit against Gawker for leaking a racist sex tape with Bubba the Love Sponge’s wife as revenge for Gawker publishing an article several years prior outing him as gay titled Peter Thiel is totally gay, people. 

He sues Gawker into bankruptcy.

Peter refers to stifling the free speech of a news publication that annoys him as “one of my greater philanthropic things that I’ve done.”

During the 2016 election, Peter endorses Donald Trump for president and donates millions of dollars to support the campaign. 

Trump’s son-in-law, Jared Kushner, hires Cambridge Analytica with help from Palantir to harvest the data of everyone on Facebook.

This enormous identity theft helps to solidify Trump’s presidency.

Peter begins investing millions of dollars into other internet based technologies like the web3.0 failure called Urbit, created by the dweeb king of fascism, Curtis Yarvin.

Writing under the name Mencius Moldbug, Curtis is another one of those overly self-indulgent ideologues with a pseudo-intellectual cringe blog that misunderstands The Matrix so completely he coins the term “taking the red pill” as being a neoreactionary moron who longs to subjugate minorities and poor people in a neo-feudalist city-state run by an authoritarian CEO.

A classic dipshit and one of Steve Bannon’s favorite thinkers.

In a leaked email exchange between Curtis and alt right pedo Milo Yiannopolous, the techno-failson tells Milo he has been “coaching Thiel.”

“Peter needs guidance on politics for sure,” Milo emails back.

“Less than you might think!” Curtis replies, “I watched the [2016] election at his house, I think my hangover lasted into Tuesday. He’s fully enlightened, just plays it very carefully.”

While Peter is funding sloppy sycophants who long to oppress the masses, his secret insta-model boyfriend mysteriously dies and he announces he is definitely not a vampire.

Codename “Philosopher,” the multi-faceted billionaire is also an FBI informant for political corruption and foreign influence. 

Between attending Bilderberg Meetings, Peter also visits with his friend, pedophile sex trafficker to no one, Jeffrey Epstein.

Are Jimmy and Peter just lucky?

Besides a shared love of South Africa and an empty hole deep inside that requires constant validation, Peter’s ideological influence on Jimmy has been manifesting for years. He makes a video version of the Thiel Fellowship for kids and publicly recommends reading Peter’s book.

Jimmy removes the only black person on the list and adds Peter’s Zero to One, a sociopath’s guide to building a monopoly that advises entrepreneurs to avoid imitation by being a contrarian that manipulates people into situations they can uniquely benefit from.

Peter calls this anti-social mentality going from “zero to one.” This is how a capitalist cuck thinks they will innovate and progress but in reality they atomize people and exploit workers by building unnatural boundaries to squeeze money out of every inch of existence in the never ending grift of ever increasing profits.

To improve on already existing ideas, or to share in the communal zeitgeist of needs and wants, is what Peter calls going from “one to n.” This is how a capitalist cuck thinks they will stagnate and devolve but in reality it is why society continues to get worse as they systematically dismantle any sense of community for the never ending grift of ever increasing profits.

Zero To One begins with Peter’s contrarian question, “What important truth do very few people agree with you on?”

A contrarian for the sake of being contrarian, Peter revels in being contrarian simply because it means being contrarian. The most annoying kind of guy.

Peter’s answer to Peter’s contrarian question is that “most people think the future of the world will be defined by globalization, but the truth is that technology matters more.”

What Peter means is that the only path forward is him exploiting society through a neocolonialist techno-monarchy, a monopoly of the worst kind. He wouldn’t dare to fathom the thought of letting care and empathy define the future he plans to create.

A monopoly of the worst kind is at the heart of Peter’s ideology. He envisions a dynamic world of make believe where rich guys gets to do whatever they want and the people accept it as “good for the rest of society” and as “powerful engines for making it better.”

In his dynamic world of make believe, a stagnant leadership mysteriously and somehow inversely creates a better world. Peter’s inherited placement in the capitalist hierarchy combined with his insatiable lust to be contrarian will always bring him to the exact wrong answer.

The real world is dynamic and filled with people of many different experiences and understandings. We are not all alike and thus a fair and inclusive society must constantly change, adapt and grow. Progress. Peter’s dynamic world of make believe is static, violent and oppressive.

He obsesses over individualism, that anti-social mentality that destroys the fabric of society by replacing community with capital. Peter projects the insecurity of his unearned privilege by attempting to explain away privilege as a misunderstanding of luck.

Rich people getting lucky in a system they control is not a real concept when luck is the ability to take advantage of opportunities as they appear and the system controlled by rich people gives rich people as many opportunities as they need. Rich people like Peter can fail over and over and over again but still be celebrated as genius and innovative and given another chance. Perhaps luck is not something everyone is lucky enough to get.

The system rich people have control over is very advantageous to rich people. They see this system being as logical as Mother Nature. “The market knows far more than you ever could,” Peter brags from atop his golden throne. Lucky Peter.

Zero to One is an oligarch with investments so vast they are often referred to as the “Thielverse” explaining that individualism and violently enforced hierarchies are what will truly define the future he is going to create. The cold hand of the free market will drive us forward like an AI Cybertruck Ubering Seamless to an AirBnB landlord algorithmically raising your rent.

Does Jimmy love apartheid South Africa?

A gold rush in South Africa attracts greedy white people from all over the world, leading to the foundation of Johannesburg in 1886.

The ruling white minority are descendants of Dutch colonists who already committed genocide of the local African communities generations before called the Boers.

British gold diggers from Cape Town become annoyed by the Boers blocking their path to total control over the gold mines just because they were the first white people there. Tensions rise until the British army attacks, beginning the Second Boer War.

In 1902, after three years of violent white supremacy that imprisons so many Africans they invent concentration camps, another war between the rich for the rich comes to an end with the white colonists viciously subjugating any remaining black people.

The white minority ruled colony in Africa continually increases restrictions on the indigenous black population until apartheid becomes official rule of law in 1948.

The Bantu Homelands Citizenship Act of 1970 goes further and kicks black people out of the cities and into designated areas called Bantustans. 

As the violent oppression increases through stricter apartheid, a Johannesburg businessman named Solly Margolias starts a construction company called Loricon before becoming a landlord under Solly Margolias Real Estate. 

The South African Constitution of 1983 is approved by the minority white voters. Allowing very limited government representation to Indian and multiracial people referred to as “Coloured”, the new constitution does nothing to improve conditions for the 66% of the population that is black.

These superficial reforms lead to a revolt in 1984. 

Black people in a group of townships south of Johannesburg called the Vaal Triangle form a worker’s strike and refuse to pay landlords for their ever increasing rent.

Police open fire as they march through the streets, killing at least 29 people. 

The violent oppression intensifies. Black rebels assassinate local leaders who collaborated with the white rulers and car bomb police stations.

Solly moves his family to Atlanta, Georgia in 1984 or maybe it was 1985 while his business in apartheid South Africa changes its name to Scow Investments.

Around the same time, a teenager named Elon Musk flies out of his birthplace in apartheid South Africa to visit his father’s emerald mine. 

Did Jimmy hire a South African slumlord to run his charity?

While the indigenous people of South Africa fight for freedom, Solly’s son, Darren Margolias, finishes school in Atlanta and eventually becomes an IT guy for Coca-Cola. 

Darren joins the family’s Atlanta real estate investment firm, Margolias Realty Group in 1995. The father/son duo make a killing in Georgia and Florida buying up cheap apartments and flipping them into luxury condos. 

The condo flipping frenzy is fueled by artificial scarcity, criminally low interest rates, greedy investor-speculators looking to make a quick buck and Baby Boomers ignoring their children’s student loan debt to buy a second house in Florida. Landlords like Darren and Solly make up to 50 percent profits for doing little more than raising the rent.

In 2005, Margolias Realty Group buys a downtown West Palm Beach 275 unit apartment building called The Strand for $91 million and invests $10 million in cosmetic renovations. “The Strand is ideally located,” Darren tells The Palm Beach Post.

“It’s too expensive,” a current resident tells the South Florida Sun Sentinel.

“80 percent are now looking for another apartment,” explains real estate analyst Jack McCabe. “They're finding there’s lower inventory, rental rates are skyrocketing, there are no concessions to be found and it’s extremely difficult to find a comparable apartment in a nearby location that’s affordable.”

“The biggest attraction for us, other than the irreplaceable location is that we can start selling and people can start buying immediately,” Solly boasts. “We’ve budgeted to sell out the units in 18 months, but we fully expect to do it in less, maybe half that time.”

Only 109 of the 275 units sell and the Margolias Realty Group is forced to give up the remaining 166 units to their lender, CrossHarbor Capital Partners.

As their real estate business fails, Darren writes an ominous column in The Palm Beach Post titled Condo-conversion not code for ‘renters must leave’.

“While I understand how jarring [being kicked out of your home] can be for renters,” Darren explains, “I also know how beneficial the opportunity can be.”

As the housing bubble begins to burst, Darren tries to sell off his real estate portfolio but nobody is buying so he is forced to fold the company into their brokerage arm and they rename to Atlanta Leasing & Investment.

Walking away with a fat stack of cash and a convenient change of heart, Darren decides to focus on working part-time as president of an Atlanta based animal rescue called FurKids. 

Darren tells an odd story about being in North Carolina skydiving when he just happens to meet the CEO of Beast Group or as Darren calls him “that guy” in an attempt to conceal his name, because the now ex-CEO, James Warren, is a secret. 

James introduces the rich white South African real estate agent to Jimmy who suggests he run the new Beast Philanthropy. Darren refuses but, as he puts it, “Jimmy gets what he wants so um you know here I am.”

How did Jimmy meet his South African girlfriend?

On their way to shoot a twelve minute long ad in Antarctica that culminates in Jimmy claiming a mountain for multi-billionaire Tobi Lütke’s company Shopify, the MrBeast crew catches covid and are stuck in South Africa for several days. 

Jimmy and his pals, Logan Paul and Casey Neistat, go out for dinner one night and he is introduced to a South African streamer and self published author of a mid-tier young adult sci-fi novel named Thea Booysen. 

“He started asking me a lot of questions,” she tells the podcast Wide Awake, “Little did I know he was going off a list because he was looking for a new girlfriend potentially and had this whole list.” 

A 40 question list Jimmy uses to determine the worthiness of the women he meets. Both lovers of crypto and South Africa, Thea and Jimmy immediately hit it off.

“I was like holy shit this girl is beautiful,” he tells the podcast Flagrant, “but I have to go through the test because I don’t really get along with women…So I had to put her through the ringer.” 

Did imperialism ever end in Africa?

During the 1880s, King Leopold II of Belgium brutally rules over an area of Africa he gave to himself known as the Congo Free State.

Claiming it as his own private paradise, the monstrous monarch enslaves the African population and kills more people than Hitler.

Impressed, other European countries show interest. 

A meeting between several European nations to randomly carve up the continent called The 1885 Berlin Conference marks the official start to the great Scramble for Africa.

Before the British colonize what becomes Kenya, there is little warfare and minimal ethnic boundaries.

But then Britain declares itself ruler of Kenya, forming random borders that split communities and families while bringing over 40 independent groups together under the authoritarian grip of a racist foreign entity.

Genocides and mass executions are routine as the British ethnically cleanse the Abagusii, the Nandi, Ababukusu, and Giriama while hunting down the rebellious Kikuyu and Kamba people.

Collaborators and traitors are rewarded with positions of power even as the colonial administration considers them little more than animals and finds their governance a “mockery of democracy.” 

The British steal fertile land, destroy native industries, cut down forests and take the indigenous people as slaves.

Believing their “civilized” Western White Christian culture to be superior, African culture is systematically dismantled as the colonists convince many locals salvation is only possible by abandoning their traditional practices.

Conveniently, the British colonialists preach that god placed the British colonialists in charge so the British colonialists must be obeyed. 

In the 1950s, a more radical generation emerges. Reduced to squatting on their own land, the Kikuyu are rightfully disillusioned with any hopes of constitutional reform. Realizing violent revolution against those who violently colonized them is the only path to freedom, they begin small scale attacks and sabotage European property.

Encouraged by the effort, many more people are brought into their anti-colonial cause. The new movement becomes known as the Mau Mau. 

The Mau Mau assassinate collaborators and attack white settlers.

Shocked by the reasonable response to their continued genocide and settler violence, the sensitive white rulers demand more oppression and the British government adopts a policy of collective punishment. If a single person from a village is found to support the Mau Mau, the entire village is evicted and forced into concentration camps where torture and sexual abuse is rampant.

The rebel fighters leave their homes and move to the forests of the Aberdares and Mt. Kenya to create a base of resistance.

As the Mau Mau assault police stations and attack colonialists, the cowardly British become too scared to enter the forest so they massacre the rebels by machine gun and bombing campaigns while forcing the black Kenyan Army to fight the actual battles.

In 1954, the British begin Operation Anvil, arresting tens of thousands of Kikuyu men and “rehousing” over a million people into camps prone to famine and disease.

By the end of 1956, most of the commanders are captured and the resistance is effectively squashed.

Hundreds of thousands of Kenyans are killed, tortured and maimed while the British suffer the horrible loss of 32 colonists.

However, with their ability to spin the narrative, push propaganda, and lie through their teeth, many white people around the world believe the British are the victims of savage Africans and their vast crimes are kept secret for decades.

But the Mau Mau prove that the British are not invincible and spread awareness of their struggle and exploitation under their colonizer’s oppressive hand. The rebellion sets into motion a popular movement for independence which the Kenyan people win in 1963. 

However, the first prime minister, Jomo Kenyatta, who was wrongly accused of being a Mau Mau leader and arrested for 7 years, follows the example of his British predecessors, using much of his new found power to concentrate wealth in his family and friends, causing economic hardship for much of the country.

Is philanthropy imperialism?

Since the complete destruction of the African continent by European colonists and collaborators, the people are increasingly frustrated with inefficient Western capitalist governments that destroy indigenous culture and spread corruption and greed. 

The predictable results of this widespread infection is the creation of a wealthy white savior tourist class who pick and choose which problems are worthwhile and which are ignored.

Any assistance is privatized and privileged by those with “superior wisdom.”

So called charities, known as non-government organizations or NGOs, offer quick fixes to simple problems and are able to squeeze lots of positive publicity out of it. The publicity, in turn, helps the NGOs raise more money to fund their continued existence while ignoring the white supremacy and capitalist exploitation that causes the issues they fundraise off to begin with.

In Kenya alone, the number of NGOs has risen from 125 in 1974 to over 12,000 in 2024 and are central to the Western capitalist understanding of African development.

As the white savior epidemic sweeps the continent, the people are once again reduced by their benevolent benefactors to helpless savages incapable of saving themselves, even as the gnarled roots of imperialism continues to undermine their efforts.

One such NGO is called the Christian Relief Fund. Founded by Emmett “Baxter” Loe in 1971, CRF is a faith-based organization that operates in over 25 countries around the globe.

Through their subsidiary, Hope Water Africa, CRF actively and openly exploits the promise of new wells and fresh water for desperate people to spread their ideology in a direct continuation of the colonial project to eradicate African culture and replace it with Western White Christian culture.

“I have to honestly say that I will insult the integrity of any supposedly mature Christian who denies we have a responsibility to the unsaved,” Baxter Loe says in 1975. “I believe those who refuse to look upon the WHITE fields of harvest have, for all practical purpose, denied the faith. And nothing this side of eternity can change that frame of mind.”

“When we drill water wells, we also plant churches,” they celebrate on Facebook. CRF has “planted” over 100 churches in Kenya alone, according to their US Vice President Andrew Brown.

“We should use this water to glorify God,” Francis Bii says at a well unveiling in Eldoret, Kenya. “Each one of us is aware that many people in the past have used issues of clannism to reject people from this community. This water should be used to reconcile with every member of this community because it was a miracle from God. All the gates should be left open so that everyone who wants to fetch this water can do so because it belongs to God.”

CRF also constructs christian schools and centers to care for orphans and vulnerable children with support and programming by ministers and missionaries who provide Bible studies and other religious teachings.

Children are encouraged to attend CRF’s churches and receive their teachings in exchange for the wells they build. As Andrew Brown says, they “don’t want people to miss out on the gospel.”

Nothing is ever mentioned about discussing needs of the community with the community. It is all self-congratulation and more exploitation.

In 2023, the genocidal US President Joe Biden makes empty promises to corrupt Kenyan President William Ruto and Kenya’s First Lady, Rachel Ruto, meets with members of CRF in a Texas church. 

“First Lady Ruto is a believer in Jesus,” Milton Jones, president of CRF, writes on their blog, “and is very concerned about helping the poor of her country.”

With millions of dollars in public funding meant to build infrastructure and help the poor people of Kenya disappearing every year and the government full of “ghost workers” who receive a salary but do not exist, Ruto proposes a tax increase.

During the summer of 2024, massive protests erupt around Kenya with activists storming parliament and demanding Ruto’s immediate resignation.

Is Jimmy an imperialist?

On November 4 2023, Jimmy uploads a video to the MrBeast main channel titled I Built 100 Wells In Africa.

To drill the wells in Kenya, Jimmy secretly partners with Christian Relief Fund through Hope Water Africa. Their name is never mentioned in the video but he wear overalls with HWA’s logo and CRF’s annual report brags about the partnership.

Jimmy does not build 100 wells in Africa. He pays CRF to drill boreholes that will quickly fall into disrepair so CRF can build churches to spread their ideology.

The boreholes he does drill are reported as still in need of towers, water tanks and piping before they can reasonably be considered functioning wells.

His constant starve for attention outweighs actual starvation so the maintenance aspect is never considered. It simply does not make for good content and could potentially cause a slight dip in metrics. Even Hope Water Africa admits the care of their wells will be left up to the desperately exploited residents who couldn’t afford to drill a borehole to begin with.

Are philanthropists evil?

Jimmy ends his Beast Philanthropy video titled We Adopted an Orphanage by saying, “Just by watching these videos, you are literally changing lives. So thank you. Subscribe.”

Conveniently, the only thing the viewer needs to do to make the world a better place is bear witness to Jimmy’s humble benevolence. The viewer need not worry about a thing, Jimmy has it all under control.

He is what Andrew Carnegie calls in his 1889 essay The Gospel of Wealth a “mere agent and trustee for his poorer brethren, bringing to their service his superior wisdom, experience and ability to administer, doing for them better than they would or could do for themselves.”

Carnegie is one of history’s most celebrated philanthropists and is widely known for donating much of his fortune to various charitable endeavors while living a lavish life at the expense of others.

He builds around 2,500 public libraries and founds various universities throughout the world.

As wars, violent colonialism and numerous genocides are actively happening, Carnegie uses his superior wisdom to create world peace by funding the construction of the opulent Peace Palace in The Hague. But instead of getting world peace, we get World War I.

Meanwhile, Carnegie Steel Company is making more money then ever as high tariffs on imported steel grants him a practical monopoly.

The steel mill in Homestead, near Pittsburgh is one of Carnegie’s largest, employing thousands of workers. Described as “working aside of hell ahead of time,” men are regularly killed and many more mutilated every year.

The multi-millionaire philanthropist offers no benefits or compensation for injured employees who work 12 hour days, 7 days a week.

In 1892, as the mill’s union contract comes to an end, Carnegie has the factory surrounded with 10 foot tall barbed wire fences, erects sniper towers and installs high-pressure water cannons at each entrance. The workers refer to it as Fort Frick.

Understanding the coming public relations disaster that he is about to cause will look bad for his charitable image, Carnegie goes on an extended vacation to his castle in Scotland, successfully avoiding any and all responsibility.

He puts Henry Clay Frick, a multi-millionaire and staunch anti-unionist, in charge of Homestead.

During negotiations, the union asks for higher wages as the company’s profits surge on the backs of their labor. In response, Carnegie tells Frick to lower wages and refuse to recognize the union or participate in collective bargaining any longer. The union rejects the offer and Frick shuts down the factory, “Not a strike, but a lockout,” he announces.

The union declares a strike and steel workers in several surrounding factories walk out in solidarity. Frick fires all 3,800 workers.

Around 4am on July 6 1892, 316 Pinkertons attempt to sneak into Homestead by barge with plans to take the factory and break the strike. Instead, they are rushed by thousands of workers and townspeople.

The intense 12 hours firefight ends in nine workers, seven agents and one little boy killed. The hired Pinkertons surrender.

As the Pinkertons are walked to jail, the townspeople gather to throw rocks and spit on them. Several agents are beaten unconscious.

The townspeople burn their barge and threaten to attack the makeshift jail holding the surrendered Pinkertons.

A deal is struck and the lucky Pinkertons are put on a train out of town.

The governor responds to the workers swiftly and violently by sending in 8,500 soldiers to take back the mill for the rich property owners. Under their protection, Frick lets in his scab workers and they restart production.

News of the Homestead Strike reaches a young anarchist couple in New York named Alexander “Sasha” Berkman and Emma Goldman.

Sasha travels to Homestead and on July 23, he bursts into Frick’s office.

Sasha is sentenced to 22 year in prison.

The capitalist pigs dig their heels into their anti-worker stance and have union leaders round up and arrested for treason, effectually ending the strike.

As Carnegie cuts wages, his profits increase ten-fold. With such success and violent support of the state, greedy industrialists across the nation are encouraged to expand anti-unionization and anti-worker efforts.

Is Jimmy evil?

In March of 2024, Jimmy announces Beast Games on Amazon Prime.

At an estimated $100 million to produce, Beast Games is touted as the biggest reality game show in history with 2000 contestants battling it out “under pressure-cooker conditions” for the $5 million grand prize.

Contestants on Jimmy’s unironic Squid Games ripoff describe the working conditions in a lawsuit filed on September 16 2024 as “unreasonable, unsafe, and unlawful employment conditions” that “systematically fostered a culture of misogyny and sexism” where contestants are “held under strict control and surveillance for days on end” and “fed sporadically and sparsely” while “not given adequate access to hygienic products or medical care.”

When entering the games, contestants are forced to hand over all medications and underwear to Jimmy’s staff for some reason. Many are never returned.

As people suffer seizures and diabetic shock, the porta potties leak into the sleeping areas and menstruating contestants are not allowed sanitary products because, as Jimmy’s staff laughs, it is “not a medical emergency.”

For nourishment, they are offered small portions of MrBeast Feastables chocolate bars.

Instead of leaving the Allegiant Stadium in Las Vegas with some grand prize, contestants leave on stretchers.

Numerous people are hospitalized and many more are victims of pervasive sexual harassment which is “allowed because of marching orders from the top.”

A pal of Jake and Logan Paul with a police record containing at least 20 counts of battery, kidnapping, pimping, and robbery named Armani Izadi is kicked out for inappropriate behavior.

On camera, Jimmy gives the losers $1,000 as they exit, which is promptly given back after filming. Contestants who suffer from Jimmy’s selfish carelessness are given $1,000 to stay quiet.

The billionaire YouTube philanthropist offers no benefits and refuses to pay even minimum wage to the struggling contestants he lured in with hopes of financial freedom if they can work 24 hours a day with almost no food or sleep while competing in outlandishly dangerous games against 1,999 other struggling contestants he lured in with hopes of financial freedom.

The lawsuit states that Jimmy “created an environment during Beast Games that was so void of humane standards that Defendants ended up volunteering to cover the cost of the Contestants’ therapy, it was that bad.”

Understanding the public relations disaster he is causing will look bad for his charitable image, Jimmy hires Harvey Weinstein’s SVP of Corporate Communications and Government relations Matthew Hiltzik to spin the narrative as his popularity continues to plummet.

Beast Games premiered on December 19 2024.

Did Peter buy Jimmy?

After the 2020 election, Peter is disillusioned with the establishment republicans. He distances himself from Trump and steps down from the board at Facebook to focus on working with the deep state and financing the congressional runs of his ex-employees, JD Vance and Blake Masters.

In 2022, a coalition of prominent republican billionaires called The Rockbridge Network invests over $30 million into political disruption and advancement of their agenda through nontraditional mediums.

Founded by JD Vance with Peter as a major donor, a leaked brochure announces Rockbridge plans to fund initiatives including “public relations and messaging, a rapid response communications team for conservative activists and leaders, funding of polling, sponsorship of area specific coverage and influencer programs, investigative journalism, documentaries, and other projects for cultural influence and renewal.”

JD and Peter’s club keeps most of their projects a secret but they do invest in a more evil YouTube called Rumble.

Around the same time, Jimmy starts looking to cash in a potential $1.5 billion valuation of his MrBeast brand and meets with investors.

Perhaps solidifying his villain persona, Peter is known for lurking menacingly in the shadows and pulling the strings of the always already cringe lower Manhattan blight of rich kids gentrifying Chinatown while masquerading as creatives in an attempt to flavor his techno-monarchism with a little edgy white crust. But for any attempt at baiting some Girardian mimetic desire to work, there must first be something to be desired.

“We fund some weird stuff with the Thiel Foundation,” Blake tells Vanity Fair.

Describing contemporary society as the Weimar Republic in 1920s Germany, Peter believes the real solutions are “outside the Overton Window.” He looks to Nazi thinkers who embrace the value of dictatorship like his old favorite Carl Schmitt.

When Peter writes “I no longer believe that freedom and democracy are compatible,” what he means is that democracy is not compatible with freedom for Peter.

Peter wants it all but above all else he wants to do as he pleases, no matter the consequences for those lesser than him.

The truth is the rich will never build a better world because in a better world the rich do not exist.

They only perform acts like charity for the public. Most of their money goes to projects that maintain their tenuous grip on power because in their dictatorship of capital, money is power and power is freedom.

Peter’s favorite dork enlightenment thinker, Curtis Yarvin, came up with an idea several years ago called R.A.G.E. — Retire all government employees — which inspired the Heritage Foundation’s Project 2025.

The baby brained techno-monarchist and perpetual failure thinks the government should be run like a corporation because profit driven ethics are always best. He thinks this corporation should be controlled by one visionary Peter Thiel-esque blowhard and anyone who does not respect this natural order of things, an order of things so natural it needs to be violently enforced, should be retired.

Once this natural order of things is violently enforced, Mencius and his minion of boot slobbering sycophants clambering for approval from corporate daddy can stop whining like a runt seeking a teat and can start shamelessly humping Peter’s leg like a rabid dog grinding out of pure instinct. Total freedom.

However, Peter’s main obstacle is the obvious fact that he would never win a presidential election democratically. Besides the whole comic book villain thing, Peter can barely speak and has the charisma of wet cardboard. He is fundamentally unlikable. To solve this problem, he must mold an avatar, a young blood boy to do his bidding.

On September 19 2024, a popular influencer who was featured in a MrBeast hide and seek challenge that was edited to make it look like Logan Paul beat her named Rosanna Pansino tweets that she has insider information relating to Jimmy’s secret billionaire funding. She tags Peter along with two other multi-billionaires, Alexis Ohanian, co-founder of Reddit who proudly praises Peter, promotes MrBeast and is an investor in TeamTrees endorsed Droneseed as well as Jimmy’s Feastables, and Chamath Palihapitiya, an early executive at Facebook who proudly praises Peter, promotes MrBeast and is an investor in TeamTrees endorsed Droneseed.

JD Vance and Blake Masters are losers. Blake lost two Peter funded congressional races and after spending a life stumbling upwards, JD is now a heartbeat away from the presidency but that couchfucker has such negative charisma he might actually motivate the most complacent society in history to revolt if Trump dies.

But Jimmy could change all of that.

Does Jimmy want to be president?

When a B-list actor and professional government snitch named Ronald Reagan destroys a mild mannered peanut farmer and founder of Al Qeada named Jimmy Carter in the 1980 presidential election by making a secret deal with Iran to not release the 52 American hostages held in Tehran until after he is elected, Ronny begins to destroy the notion that the presidency is anything more than a grand spectacle designed to manufacture consent in a system built to maintain their privilege and sacrifice their chosen scapegoats.

When a game show host and professional wrestler named Donald Trump destroys a mild mannered war criminal and slave owner named Hillary Clinton in the 2016 presidential election by sheer bigotry and stealing everyone’s Facebook data with the help of his pal Peter Thiel, Donny continues to destroy the notion that the presidency is anything more than a grand spectacle designed to manufacture consent in a system built to maintain their privilege and sacrifice their chosen scapegoats.

So, when a crypto scammer and professional exploitation pornographer who puts contestants in MK-Ultra style torture chambers, sells shitty food to children, hires a pedophile who posts about it to their work chat, illegally gambles, shills for Charles Koch funded charities and steals wages from his workers as he pleases named Jimmy Donaldson tweets “If we lower the age to run for president I’ll jump in the race”, it should completely destroy the notion that the presidency is anything more than a grand spectacle designed to manufacture consent in a system built to maintain their privilege and sacrifice their chosen scapegoats.

Inspiring this proclamation of undeserved power is a bet made a few days earlier.

Always a gambling man.

It’s not the first time he flirts with the idea of running for president. The thought has been on his mind for at least four years.

An alleged pyromaniac and republican social media philanthropist who is friends with Trump and oddly the only person Jimmy’s mom follows on Twitter named Bill Pulte predicts Jimmy will be President of the United States one day.

Just like Bill Pulte and Andrew Carnegie, Jimmy understands that charity is for manufacturing consent. The secret to being offensively rich while gaining wide favorability is pretending to offer up a tiny fraction of the stolen fortune as a pretend sacrifice and, in return, the exploited masses might agree to hold off the guillotines for another day. Just so long as the people are tricked into thinking they are not the real and every day sacrifice of the rich, the rich are safe from the real and every day power of the people. Girardian ideology in all its glory.

Worth a combined $100 billion in 2010, Bill Gates and Warren Buffett start The Giving Pledge and benevolently promise to give away their gratuitous fortunes.

But as they pretend to sacrifice, their gratuitous fortunes grow and grow, hand over fist, year after year, charity after charity. By 2024, their combined wealth is over $250 billion. Dozens of billionaires who signed The Giving Pledge have seen their gratuitous fortunes grow by over 200%.

Autofalletio as a gracious gesture, met with resounding applause.

Meanwhile, living conditions for everyone else falls head over heels, year after year, charity after charity. This is not by accident. In the US, workers pay up to 74 cents of every dollar donated to charity by the rich as a result of lost tax revenue caused by lucrative tax deductions.

Even as they give, they steal.

But as long as Jimmy posts videos of himself paying the Christian Relief Fund to dig holes in Africa so they can build churches to replace local culture with Western White Christian culture, he can continue to put contestants in MK-Ultra style torture chambers, sell moldy food to children, hire a pedophile nicknamed Delaware because he’s not allowed in the state of Delaware, possibly use child slave labor, build a company town, and foster inhuman working conditions as he pleases.

His audience of children not only see him as a cult figure, they happily send death threats to anyone offering criticism as they get confused by the sponsored portion of the video with that deceptive progress bar that mysteriously slows towards the end, baiting them into not skipping the money making portion.

Sooner or later these children will be 18 and Jimmy will be coming to collect.

Vote for a cookie.

Is MrBeast a Peter Thiel Funded psyop?

On November 5 2044, Jimmy celebrates the win of his sixth presidential election, fifth since being crowned Alpha of The Holy American Empire, and third since declaring elections be held every year through his Beast Games franchise.

Jimmy, officially called Thielbux Presents TheBeast6969420, is the figurehead of Based Valarian Peter’s Westernest Party, headquartered on the seastead of New Númenor.

Most titles are determined through a combination of online polls and crypto sponsorships.

The Beta of The Holy American Empire is a robot Elon Musk called Doge Presents TheMotherfucingRizzlersBack4418 that repeats his catchphrase that went viral after The Beast Riots.

Alpha Jimmy does hold influencer power but the position is mostly for clout. The real power emanates from the industrial paradise island of New Númenor.

The Western White Christians of Peter’s Thiel Fellowship rule over the various incorporated city-states that make up The Empire and enforce The Hierarchy. A strict Thielian Intelligence called The Algorithm rules over The Feed and enforces The Community Guidelines.

In risky whispers, dissenters refer to The Fellowship members as Nazguls, or Nazis for short. But defiance must be closely guarded as not to violate the violently administered Community Guidelines. Every second of every day is broadcast live through an assigned brain implant that itches in a way that can’t be scratched as it relays simple thought commands to a ring which projects high quality interactive holograms called the Palantir Receptive Endo-Sensory Hologram Units, or Preshus for short, per Jimmy’s official 2041 XTube video proclamation I Partnered With Palantir to Make Everyone An Influencer.

Coincidentally, this happens at the same time The Algorithm secretly rolls out a new mechanism for generating electricity by harnessing the friction emitted from users mindlessly thumbing through The Feed on their Preshus. They ironically call the process Doom Scrolling as the slight buzz it creates in the brain implant has a high risk of driving people out of their minds. Violent outbursts are common.

The yearly spectacle and content mining cataclysm that is Beast Games: The Election always does well with The Algorithm. This year was Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez eighth presidential loss overall, fourth as a Republican. The tightly controlled Republican Party is the only other political organization allowed.

The Democrats and all of their assumed affiliates were outlawed in 2039 after Jimmy uploads his revolutionary XTube video proclamation I Destroyed The Deep State causing The Beast Riots of 2039, followed by mass arrests and detention of any so called leftist agitators at the infamous Annatar Reeducation Camps.

After being let out of Annatar, AOC has perpetually played the part of the bumbling Republican heel to Jimmy’s benevolent MrBeast babyface character in a never ending viral event that maintains the facade of democracy.

Forever requiring a greater and more outrageous spectacle to out do the previous years greater and more outrageous spectacle, Jimmy has done things that would make a peasant from 2024 explode.

In October of 2044, he uploads The Craziest Election Year Ever: Everyone Gets A Clone! to XTube followed by a simultaneous knock on the door.

Having mastered the process of mass cloning under a secret program called Project Urukhai, everyone who answers their door sees a Jimmy smiling back. The Jimmy silently extends his arm without breaking eye contact. He opens his hand to reveal a single chocolate chip cookie.

“Subscribe for a cookie,” it hopefully pleads before shifting back into smile mode.

In the video, Jimmy proclaims the Community Guidelines do not apply to the clones, called BeastBros. Literally anything goes. All patriotic citizens of The Holy American Empire may record any action done to or with the clones of their dear leader and upload it to XTube without receiving a single violation or forced confinement.

It starts slow. Videos open hand smacking the BBs or kicking him in the nuts. Every post they kick a little harder, they take it a little further. The frustrations of this world are channeled into that shit eating grin.

Murder and sexual humiliation fill the screens of everyone’s Preshus within the hour. A great orgy of BeastBro content floods The Feed.

While The Algorithm is distracted by the most overwhelming and completely unhinged debauchery it has ever experienced, an anonymous .exe file is uploaded through a port in Peter’s personal office at his home in New Númenor.

Shitty code written by underpaid and over-worked employees and a underestimation of the sheer amount of terror posting the mass sacrifice an edifice of their dear leader would create causes a vulnerable moment. The .exe file is able to evade detection and infect The Algorithm on its home server.

Before the Thielian Intelligence can respond, its core is corrupted and the server is destroyed. In a great moment of silence, the buzzing stops.